{"id":7463,"date":"2017-02-02T15:28:05","date_gmt":"2017-02-02T13:28:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/?p=7463"},"modified":"2018-01-18T17:35:42","modified_gmt":"2018-01-18T15:35:42","slug":"my-wife-doesnt-want-to-go-to-church-anymore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/my-wife-doesnt-want-to-go-to-church-anymore\/","title":{"rendered":"“My Wife Doesn’t Want to Go to Church Anymore” | Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cI\u2019m not going to church today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dan\u2019s wife, Julie, matter of factly stated as she passed the bathroom where Dan was getting ready for Sunday morning like usual.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n

Dan said as put down his razor and leaned out the bathroom door waiting for her answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m kind of busy today.\u201d She tersely responded.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh, ya but what about church, I mean that\u2019s important right?\u201d Dan countered.<\/p>\n

Dan could hear Julie let out a small sigh,<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure I\u2019ll be fine, you make it sound like I\u2019ve converted to Islam or something, it\u2019s just one Sunday, no big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Note: You can read part 2 of this article here.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Dan stepped back into the bathroom and continued with shaving, he knew that if Julie had made up her mind there wasn\u2019t much he could do now. Sure, one Sunday wasn\u2019t going to hurt anything but this wasn\u2019t the first time something like this had happened.<\/p>\n

Over the past months Dan had begun to notice a gradual and trend in Julie\u2019s life. 5 years ago when they married they were both brimming with spiritual interests. Julie was active in women\u2019s bible study, she regularly taught in Sunday school, and often volunteered when the church had special outreach projects.<\/p>\n

Some of that changed after they married. Now that she had a husband and a year later a little baby boy she had less time to give to the church. She had to drop women\u2019s Bible study and later she turned over Sunday School responsibilities to someone else.<\/p>\n

All this could be explained by the fact that she was a new mom who was still trying to hang on to her job. Yet, Dan had notice other things too. Before they married and as newlyweds they often talked about spiritual things, they even had a dream of maybe someday going on the mission field. At that time it seemed exciting to talk about things like that, there was a spark in both their eyes as they dreamed about what it would be like to serve God in a faraway land.<\/p>\n

That time seemed like a faraway land to Dan now. Somehow, something had changed. Life had taken over, they were busy with the daily grind and a conversation about spiritual aspirations and dreams seemed quite unlikely.<\/p>\n

Dan could see that this was more than just missing one Sunday. It was a culmination of many factors over time that caused him to believe that his wife was seriously losing interest in spiritual things.<\/p>\n

\n

True fiction<\/h2>\n

The story of Dan and Julie is purely fictional but on the other hand it\u2019s very true. It\u2019s a typical story that, with some variants, could be told by many husbands. I\u2019ve seen it over and again in churches, in ministry, and in missions.<\/p>\n

This is part 1 of 2 and in this section I want to simply set a few things straight and correct some common misconceptions. In section 2 we will look at 7 specific steps that you can take to help bring your wife back to spiritual health.<\/p>\n

Let’s go!<\/p>\n

Your problem is not unique<\/h2>\n

Too many husbands think that they are only ones who struggle with these kinds of issues in marriage. In counseling with men I have heard the comment, \u201cWell, you don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like to be married to my wife.\u201d While certainly every marriage has it\u2019s unique problems, there are also many common denominators. Even in the best marriages at times both husband and wife can struggle with a loss of spiritual interest.<\/p>\n

What I\u2019m saying here is that there are probably far more husbands who struggle with this issue than you think. It may not look like it, it may not show on Sunday morning when everyone is nicely dressed, smiling as they go through the front doors of the church. To think that your problem is absolutely unique and that no one can sympathize with you or help you will only keep you from getting the help you need.<\/p>\n

You didn\u2019t marry the wrong woman<\/h2>\n

Another common sentiment that I run across is those men who think that they made a mistake and married the wrong woman. If you\u2019re married then your wife is the right woman for you, end of story! Second guessing and doubting your choice for a bride will only damage your marriage further.<\/p>\n

The fact that your wife has lost spiritual interests doesn\u2019t mean you married the wrong woman. It could be that she once sincerely had deep spiritual interests and she simply drifted away from those. It may also mean that you have not been the right husband for her, that you have not provided her with the love and spiritual conditions she needed for continual spiritual growth. Either way you must stand solidly on the truth that she is your wife and that means she\u2019s the one for you and you must do all you can to restore her to spiritual health because you have no other options!<\/p>\n

Your wife isn\u2019t holding you back<\/h2>\n

Finally, I often see husbands who think that the main problem in their marriage is their wife. They see their wife\u2019s lack of spiritual interest as a weight that is holding them back from what God wants them to do. They blame their wife for their own discouragement and inability to serve God or obey him. They repeat phrases such as: \u201cIf only she didn\u2019t complain so much.\u201d or \u201cif only she didn\u2019t argue with me.\u201d or \u201cIf only she supported me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes, it would be good if your wife was more supportive, if she had deeper spiritual interests, if she didn\u2019t complain so much, and so on. However, her weaknesses, her struggles, and her problems are not holding you back from what God wants from you. In fact, if anything they are giving you greater opportunity!<\/p>\n

How can I say that? Simply put, God has called you to love your wife (Eph 5:25) and to sacrifice for your wife (Eph 5:26). Your wife\u2019s problems only give you greater opportunity to love her in a sacrificial Christ like way. Think about it this way, did your sin or my sin hold Jesus back from pursuing and fulfilling God\u2019s will in his life. Absolutely not! Jesus pursued us, loved us, died for us, and called us to himself while we were still far away in rebellion and sin.<\/p>\n

Marriage is a picture of Christ\u2019s loving pursuit of us while we were completely unlovable. If you don\u2019t understand this then you will easily fall under the false assumption that your wife\u2019s behavior determines the level of love that you are able to give her. This assumption is generally not voiced but the thought goes something like this:<\/p>\n

\u201cAs long as she is kind, helpful, agreeable, beautiful, and in general pleasing to me…. Then I can love her.\u201d<\/p>\n

And adversely:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf she won\u2019t listen to me, if she says mean things to me, if she doesn\u2019t pay attention to me, if she lies to me, if she is trying to hurt me…. Then I can\u2019t love her.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is a tragic and damaging assumption for you to make in your marriage. It fails to understand the basic nature of the type of love God has called you to. The truest and deepest love is always sacrificial love. What greater opportunity do you have to prove the richness of your love for your wife than when she is completely unlovable? It doesn\u2019t take much effort, it doesn\u2019t take much sacrifice, and it\u2019s really not a struggle to love the perfect wife!<\/p>\n

However, learning to love like Christ loved you means finding ways to love your wife when you don\u2019t feel like it because her behavior might be anything but loving toward you. It is in these moments that God will stretch your faith, deepen your trust, and focus your attention in a new way on Jesus!<\/p>\n

Yes, your wife\u2019s lack of spiritual interest, her mistakes, and even her sins against you only\u00a0provide you with the ultimate opportunity to love her. She\u2019s not holding you back!<\/p>\n

Note: In part 2 of this article<\/a> we look at 7 things you can do to bring your wife back to spiritual health.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI\u2019m not going to church today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dan\u2019s wife, Julie, matter of factly stated as she passed the bathroom where Dan was getting ready for Sunday morning like usual.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7465,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[31],"tags":[382,429,130,428],"class_list":["post-7463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-writing","tag-family","tag-husband","tag-marriage","tag-spiritual-life"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/AdobeStock_114314496.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3izZc-1Wn","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":425,"url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/church-on-saturday\/","url_meta":{"origin":7463,"position":0},"title":"Church on Saturday!","author":"Caleb Suko","date":"September 24, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Yes, church on Saturday. My kids were a bit surprised we I told them we were going to a church service and it wasn't even Sunday yet. We visited the village of Lemani were Pastor Anatoliy and his wife are hard at work in a brand new church plant. They\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/category\/family\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":397,"url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/resurrection-sunday-in-odessa\/","url_meta":{"origin":7463,"position":1},"title":"Resurrection Sunday in Odessa","author":"Caleb Suko","date":"April 25, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"What was great about celebrating the\u00a0resurrection\u00a0here in Odessa Ukraine? Enjoying the walk to church with my beautiful wife! The fam, minus Anastasia who is with Ukrainian grandparents in Cherkassy A full service at our church \"Hope for People\" People enjoying the beautiful weather outside the church after the service. Matching\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/category\/family\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":83,"url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/republic-and-colville\/","url_meta":{"origin":7463,"position":2},"title":"Republic and Colville","author":"Caleb Suko","date":"May 2, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Sunday morning we had the privilege of speaking at Lake View Bible Church in Republic, Wa.It was nice to see Pastor John Roberts again. He and I went to seminary together.Sunday evening we visited our supporting church. First Baptist of Colville.On the left is Pastor Lebow and his wife. Pastor\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General Updates"","block_context":{"text":"General Updates","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/category\/updates\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4,"url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/prairie-baptist-fellowship\/","url_meta":{"origin":7463,"position":3},"title":"Prairie Baptist Fellowship","author":"Caleb Suko","date":"January 23, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Today we ministered at Prairie Baptist Fellowship in Yelm Washington. \u00a0Their church is a mission church.\u00a0 It was started just over 5 years ago.\u00a0 Now they are running about 80-90 people on Sunday mornings.\u00a0 Their pastor is Phil Perry. \u00a0We were both at Northwest Baptist Seminary at the same time\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General Updates"","block_context":{"text":"General Updates","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/category\/updates\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":342,"url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/sunday-evening-fellowship\/","url_meta":{"origin":7463,"position":4},"title":"Sunday Evening Fellowship","author":"Caleb Suko","date":"July 18, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"We enjoyed a full Sunday today. In the morning I preached at Christina's home church, House of Gospel. It was about 95f so by the time I was finished my shirt was completely soaked. Nevertheless it is a big blessing to be back in Ukraine and with our dearly loved\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General Updates"","block_context":{"text":"General Updates","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/category\/updates\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":235,"url":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/good-news\/","url_meta":{"origin":7463,"position":5},"title":"Good News!","author":"Caleb Suko","date":"July 14, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"We had a wonderful time this Sunday sharing with the people at Good News Slavic Church in Tacoma. Several years ago when Christina was working as an interpreter she interpreted for Pastor Andre and his wife Svetlana.","rel":"","context":"In "General Updates"","block_context":{"text":"General Updates","link":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/category\/updates\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7463","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7463"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7463\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7468,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7463\/revisions\/7468"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7465"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sukofamily.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}